La-la-la-la!!

La-la-la-la!!

Check out these pictures of my company Christmas party. I think I looked like I'm in pain when I'm dancing, but trust me, I was having a really good time. [grin]

Heading to visit my folks and family for Christmas. It's going to be awesome!!

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Christmas is Coming!!

I'm so looking forward to Christmas this year. It's an amazing thing to not have to worry about work at the end of Christmas holidays. Sure, work is out there, but not for me until February. Mua-ha-ha-ha!

I have two and a half weeks of work left. Not very long now and I'm pretty pleased. I have a lot to accomplish in between now and then, but it's going to be so great. My boss and I had a great talk today about how a few people freaked a bit about my being off for so long. Meh. The world will keep turning. I may not have a job when I return, but it's really not bugging me. I'll call my boss the last week in January just to make sure, but it's all good.

I went to Fort McSnowy this week. Just for a day. I don't think I like doing that. It's hard on me and I don't get any work done. My time there is important, but lots of things were left until the last minute today and my head was so not in the game. But everything that NEEDED to get done was done. Hurrah for people bending the rules.

I get to be a very good friend's date for his Christmas party in a week and a half. I'm looking forward to that. Cheruby is coming with me to Calgary next week. Does anyone want to come stay at my house and feed my kiddenz while we're gone? Not that I'm worried about getting burgled again or anything...

So just a little bit longer of me being unavailable and non-existant. Thanks for still showing up here once in a while to check on me. I don't know what I'd do without all my fabulous friends and family.




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What is a Glass?

When you ponder drinking from a glass, what do you think of?

A. A handleless drinking container.
B. A handleless drinking container made of glass.
C. Other - please explain.

I'd love to read your thoughts on this riveting subject if you would grace me with your words in my comments section.

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First Things

So cheesy!

I feel like I've fallen for some corporate buzzword, but it's really hard to argue with common sense.

Last week, I took a seminar through work about the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. There's a reason why it's a popular book. It makes sense. I don't remember all the habits right at this moment, but I'm going to be doing my homework to make small, but significant changes.

On the weekend, I made myself truly listen to my Cheruby. It was so hard not to interject my own opinions and thoughts in. I had to keep telling my brain to be quiet coming up with responses and just listen. You know what I heard? That my job with all the traveling is just as hard, if not harder, on him than it is on me! I truly hadn't considered it. I knew he wasn't having an easy time of it, but I just assumed that my life was harder than his and it's not. I felt like a weight had been lifted because I no longer felt the need to explain myself. I really don't know how that worked, but I have less to say now that I've started just listening from time to time.

We've had some really revealing conversations ever since that incident that have been amazing and so open and not so afraid to say hard stuff that it doesn't get said. I know that everyone else in the world has feelings too, but actively listening sure does put that into perspective.

Next, I started up with my weight loss support group again. I took a hiatus when I thought life was too hard to deal with trying to lose weight too. You know what? That's just silly. Why would I compromise looking after myself to do a job or wallow in my own stress? I think most people do it from time to time, but it's such a silly decision. It was hard to tell them that I'd gained weight back, but I did it and of course, they didn't really care. They are just as supportive as ever. Countdown Chrissy is totally fabulous!

And then last weekend, I went to get this new age treatment called BodyTalk. My mom has gone for several treatments and after 20 years of not being able to sleep well, she has been sleeping through the night easily and consistently. And she can make finally make her own brain stop whirling. She says that she has a clarity now that is so peaceful. I can tell how happy she is. She told me that I amaze her every time that we have a chance to sit down and really talk, just the two of us. That makes me happy.

So, anyway, the treatment - I think it's kind of like neuro-linguistic programming but works on the premise that your body knows what's wrong with itself and knows how to fix it but just needs a little direction. I know, I know - beware of charlatans. The way I see it, if my mom paid money to be able to sleep through the night, that's money well spent. I'll tell you more about it if you ask, but after my treatment, I laughed for 15 minutes straight for no reason at all. That's not even an exaggeration as I watched the clock on the desk.

Cheruby and I have decided that I should work through November and then I will have Christmas and all of January off. I'm really looking forward to it. It's going to be wonderful. I don't know what we are going to do yet, but I'm sure it's going to be GREAT!!!

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Feeling Great!!



Need I say more?

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Why Didn't You Vote?

59.1%

Really?

That's it?

There has to be a better way to do this. I was listening to some of what was being said after the results were in last night and I thought, "When did I start to care this much about politics?" I blame Cheruby. :)

Party

Seats won

%

Total votes

%

Conservative

143

46.4

5,205,334

37.6

Liberal

76

24.7

3,629,990

26.2

NDP-New Democratic Party

37

12

2,517,075

18.2

Bloc Québécois

50

16.2

1,379,565

10

Green Party

0

0

940,747

6.8

Independent

2

0.7

89,524

0.7


So does that seems right that 6.8% of all the votes aren't represented in parliament? It bugs me that 37.6% of people who cared enough to vote now have 46.4% of the say about what happens in this great country. There really does have to be a better way.

My dad asked me whether I made my vote count yesterday. I said yes, but I didn't like his implication. The only way to waste a vote, IMNSHO, is to not cast it. A vote doesn't count more because of who you cast it for. Each one is worth just one. Maybe my vote counted more because I live in a less populated area than someone in Toronto. Heh.

I'm glad for a minority government. I always have been. It's always made sense to me that if more than one party has to agree, we get a better decision being made for everyone. Of course, my mom pointed out to me years ago that there might not be any change because people can't agree. Maybe the changes being proposed aren't the best thing for Canada's people if they can't agree.

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Please Vote

October 14th, 2008

If you don't know where - please find out.

Vote.

It's important.

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Only Time

I've made commitments and I am sticking by those commitments. It is costing me more than it was supposed to though. They have taken me seriously about my end date with the company, but I can't help but think it's going to be a long haul to get there. And I'm already very tired.

And then I think, an opportunity like this comes along very rarely. I'm going to finish this job and be happy with not having a job after this. I am going to enjoy not having to worry about making a living.

I can't help but think though that time is the only non-renewable resource that even thousands of years can't help. Once it's gone, it's gone. There is no going back. Sacrifice now for more later. I think it'll balance out in my favour. Still, it's going to be a long two months.

Weird and wacky and wonderful things I've experienced lately:
1. Passing a Tim Horton's on the highway. Sounds common enough, but it was doing 70 kph.

2. I love sour Jelly Bellys.

3. I convinced my niece to go out shopping with me wearing her yarn ponytails. I absolutely loved it. She forgot that they were in her hair and we got some really good looks.

4. Learning the word "whinging". It's how Australians saying "whining". I love it.

5. The drive to and from the work site. The leaves changing colour on all the trees in the river valley near Fort McMurray is truly amazing.

6. Having been robbed and the insurance company being completely helpful so far. Of course, we haven't seen any money yet.

7. Applying my new chainmaille making skills and making several dice bags for friends. I'm very excited about this new hobby.

8. Getting help with my job so I'm not responsible for people again. I'm responsible for a balanced payroll. Tomorrow - first balanced payroll ever.

9. Waking up to sunshine through the trees overlooking a lake. No sounds of civilization to be heard. Just the voice of my beloved and a feeling of joy all through me.

That's all folks!

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Worth Mentioning

There are a lot of things that I haven't had the time to sit down and record. I will start telling you about them now. It'll take me some time though so there will likely be several installments of Worth Mentioning.

Where to begin...

1. Well, a couple days ago when Cheruby and I took a wrong turn at Glaslyn and ended up in Meadow Lake rather than Turtleford, we decided to skip Edmonton for the night and just go straight to the Regional Municipality of Wood Buffalo. Then just after Lac La Biche, we took another wrong turn which only cost us about 20 minutes. And these two events along with the 4 or 5 pit stops along the way, meant that we got to see a lynx on the side of the road - slinking like cats do into the ditch. It was awesome. I want one. It made Cheruby and I really miss our kiddenzes.

2. Cheruby found his dream writer's retreat out at Drang's family home by a lake. It's wonderful. I knew he would absolutely love it. I think the best compromise is to build something similar out at our lake near my hometown. Unless he sells a script and then there's no telling what he'll do. [grin]

3. GenCon! Oh my goodness!! I should really devote an entire post to GenCon. I was so overwhelmed for two days that I didn't buy anything and I barely played any games. We went to the Video Games Live concert which was a lot of fun. And I loved dressing up in my costume. And I loved being able to make Cheruby so happy that he tells me that he has just had the best day of his life. AWESOME!!



4. Camping at Namekus Lake is always a treat. I had to bring work, but it was worth the trip. Our first night there, we had the pleasure of a light show put on by the neighbourhood fireflies. They were wonderful and magical. I feel like I should remember having seen them before, but I don't have any specific memories. And now I have this one and it was incredible.


Well, I guess that's enough for now. Tune in next time for more Adventures of Sparkling Suz. [grin]

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Something Better

Okay, so, I've been a grumpy-puss lately. Really. Poor Cheruby has had to put up with a very moody girl and he's been doing amazing considering how difficult that can be.

I'm still going through the stages of grief over losing my job, but screw that for the time being. There is exciting stuff happening.

First - I'm so incredibly happy for and proud of my sweetheart. Check this out!!!

Cheruby entered his horror screenplay "Intelligent Design" and his comedy "The Other Christmas Carol" are BOTH in the quarter finals for the 2008 PAGE International Screenwriting Awards. There are quite a few categories, but the total entries for the awards was 3,865 scripts! For Horror and Thriller, there was a total of 533 entries and for Comedy, there were 883 entries. And my Cheruby's screenplays are both in the top 25%!! Oh my goodness, I can barely contain myself. I don't think anyone in the Padollan Pub in Fort MacMurray is going to care too much though so I'm going to content myself with imagining Cheruby's joy at home and smiling wildly for the next hours until sleep. It'll probably continue to morning.

Then, let me say that although I paid over double what I should have for my Wii Fit, I love it intensely. I don't remember the last time I exercised seven days in row. It's awesome and although I gained weight this week, my pants fit better. I like it - A LOT! Video games are fun!!

And I had a major freak out last week about my new job. No worries, it was my own internal desire to be the best. I didn't feel able to do my job last week. I called my extremely busy and overwhelmed boss to chat and I didn't feel that it went like I wanted it to. So I spazzed all weekend and today, it was nothing. I shouldn't say nothing. My boss just understood and I'm going to stop worrying about it now. I want to do a great job and my boss knows that and knows that he will get the best from me. That's why he hired me. He knows that I will not just do the bare minimum - I will do it right and I will meet his deadlines regardless of what it takes from me. I will get the job done. He knows all this and these are all the reasons he hired me. I have not disappointed him in any way and it will be very difficult for me to do so. I forgot to believe in myself and that was awfully silly because I can and will do a fabulous job - as always. Very silly Suz. (Sorry if I made anyone worry. Especially sorry to Cheruby for worrying him worst of all.)

One month until GenCon Indy! WOOT!! My first one and I'm going to have a fabulous costume. And I have two trained gentlemen to help me with the corset. Heh. Adn Cheruby and I have all our events booked. And there are so many people I know and life coming! Weeee!!!! It's already a great summer (yay air conditioning!) and just getting better.

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Avoidance

It's been slowly creeping into my busy life that I'm sad and I miss people and I miss all the relationships I had and I miss my job. I've been trying to keep busy and avoid all those feelings. There was no way to deal with them because they aren't irrational or bad for me so I did the only thing I could think of - be busy enough to not have time to think about all those feelings. No one died, but being suddenly removed from the daily lives of so many people is really hard.

So, in short, I'm sorry I haven't written and kept in touch. I haven't wanted to be sad.

While I've been avoiding all those sad feelings, I've been flying to Fort McMurray and Calgary a lot. And working and playing video games and having house guests.

The first set of house guests were a bunch of fabulous people from Edmonton that I totally love. I'm so glad that they came to visit and that they stay with me. I do so enjoy their company. And I played in a game on the weekend which was kind of based on Neil Gaiman's Neverwhere market of the forgotten. It was a lot of fun. I played the pigeon keeper, but couldn't find a stuffed pigeon. So I found a 10 second clip of pigeon sounds which I put on repeat on my iPod and little speakers. For 4 hours. Heh. It was awesome. Of course, even more awesome was Cheruby's portrayal of a bible-thumping do-gooder who was trying to save everyone. He had one other characters yelling, "I love Jesus," several times. I sat in the corner of the room laughing really hard with another player when that happened. Later, the game was ending and we were all disappearing and he fell to his knees yelling, "I'm coming, Jesus! I'm coming!" It was brilliantly funny.

Then two days after the fabulous Edmonton peeps left, two more excellent folks showed up. Matt, who you might remember from our Vancouver trip last year, surprised us with the news he was staying with us. Of course, this was just fair play since Cheruby and I did that to him last year when we showed up at his doorstep. Not my fault. [grin] Earlier in the evening, we received another of Cheruby's high school friends, Nitra. She always makes me laugh and has a fresh perspective on life and her relationship with the world. I enjoy her quite a bit.

And we had a party last night for Cheruby and Matt's birthdays and it was awesome!!! I woke up this morning feeling better than I have in a really long time. I was relaxed which I think is what brought about the realization of the sadness which I was avoiding.

And today, I got to speak with Siochain for a long time today. And it was really, really good.

And I also got to try on my corset today that my friend from high school is making for me. Then we went out for supper with her family including her parents and brother and his wife. It was a good evening. I'm happy to such great people in my life.

Other than the sadness, I truly am well. Life is good.

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Which Way Do I Turn?

I was so happy this morning to be walking my mom out of the hospital after her successful surgery. She's doing so well and is finally closing the book on her breast cancer. It's been six years since she was first diagnosed and had her mastectomy. And as of Tuesday, she has two boobs. Of course, they're very monster of Frankenstein-esque still, but that will eventually pass in the healing process. Of course, no one really needed to know that. Heh.

And now, I'm sitting at a friends house watching some critters because there was an emergency and I was needed. My mom, of course, is sleeping upstairs because she's still tired from her week of laying around with a morphine button. I'm thinking about how fragile we all are. I knew in my brain that my mom would be better than okay, but my emotional stress this week as I worried about her constantly has been very high. It doesn't matter how non-life-threatening the surgery was, someone was still cutting into her with a very sharp thing and moving bits around and removing bits. It's just not natural and I was worried. I won't be done worrying until I see the healed incisions and all the relocated skin bits are the colour that they are supposed to be.

A new colleague is off dealing with some family emergency as well. Things are actually pretty good at work other than that. I could have been very busy last week, but I just didn't have what I needed to do the job. Not such a bad thing since I was able to spend much more time with my mom and taking care of myself.

Now, rampant geekery rears its beautiful head. I received my Wii in the mail yesterday. So excited!! I played for an hour last night after a friend left. Of course, he'd brought beer and the new 4th Edition D&D books. Squee! The art is so much better. Then we started to make characters to make them fight. And it took me much too long and it was almost one by the time I was done so we didn't get to fight them. [pout]

Lastly, today is the first Exalted game with a full complement and I won't be there for the beginning. I'm really looking forward to playing and hanging out with my dear friend, AJ.

And with all this going on, I didn't get a chance to RSVP to the tongue birthday house warming party at Chez Relaxo. It was yesterday. I'm sure a good time was had by all.

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Adventurous

I've been so adventurous lately! YAY for me!

It's amazing the difference it makes to turn challenges into adventures in one's mind. It makes tough stuff so much easier to deal with. Every day is an adventure, really.

I was looking at myself in the mirror of a condo in Fort McMurray yesterday in the wee morning hours and it was so surreal. How did I get there? And was I happy with being there? Under the circumstances (losing one's hotel room and just having worked 12 hours on something that I shouldn't have had to do), I wasn't terribly pleased to be there. However, my current adventure had taken me there and I am now employed again and I'm in control of where my adventure takes me next. All good stuff, so, in the end I was totally good with being there with a roof over my head and pillows on the bed which my head was soon going to be enjoying. The next day would be an all new adventure and some sleep would help with that.

So, this time, I'm setting my boundaries. And I have made them very clear to my manager. From here, there shouldn't be any surprises. If there is, I've laid out the consequences of that too. I actually believe that I will have the strength to stick to them as well.

And that's just my new job. So many other exciting things have been going on - other grand adventures.

San Jose and visiting with TUO and R:tAG was awesome. We hung out and didn't get too stressed or rushed about anything.
*Cheruby got his In-N-Out Burger experience several times and now has the t-shirt that he's very happy with.
*We saw Prince Caspian and had a fire alarm go off before the movie started. Very odd stuff, but all just part of the adventure. The movie was pretty good though. It made me happy.
*The temperature soared the day we arrived, after weeks of the locals grumbling that it was too cold. I booked the trip in May to avoid in the insane heat. Good thing the temperatures were still dropping at night enough to cool the house down easily.
*The mist and fog was perfect the day we went to the Emperor's grave. The sprinklers helped at bit, but it made the atmosphere perfect. Did you know that Colma county has more people under the ground than above it?
Woodlawn Memorial Park
*Cheruby got his fill of some very funny stuff - two MST3K movies and a Twisted Toyfare Theatre comic. He giggled a lot while we were there, except when he was in a lot of pain due to a tooth malfunction while eating a "Mexican Flag".
*Riding bikes around Los Gatos was fun too even though it was 36 degrees out. HOT! Vascona park by where R:tAG works is very nice. We went to his workplace and got a tour and heard about some cool stuff that's going on. And, of course, we got some awesome swag. THANKS!
*Oh, and we had to hang around at the house the day after we got there to wait for my luggage to arrive. Silly airline didn't have it make the connecting flight we made in Edmonton! But it was all very smooth in getting it delivered to the house.
*The other airline fun we had was getting up obscenely early to catch our flight home, having the flight be overbooked and getting a free night at a hotel and $600 each in flight credits for later use. We had a nap to catch up on some sleep and then headed into the city on the bart which was a 10-minute walk away with an In-N-Out Burger joint smack dab in the middle. Our overbooked airline wasn't the one we booked with and they could only get us to Calgary so I called and got the full return on the original airline quite easily.
*Our free San Francisco day was awesome. We walked all the way to Haight and Ashbury from Civic Station. Had ice cream at Ben & Jerry's on that corner, a beer at an Irish pub Danny Coyle's filled with English blokes along the way, hopped on a bus and made it back downtown, transfer to a streetcar to cruise along Embarcadero to Pier 39, supper at the Hard Rock Cafe, some time looking at smelly sea lions, a walk along the wharf to the cable car turnaround, a ride through the darkening city (an incredible view of the Golden Gate Bridge all lit up while going up the hill) with a charming San Francisco resident holding onto the outside bars on the cable car, and then the trip back to the hotel.
Bueno Vista Park on Haight Street
*We had some Italian food from Giorgi's which is across from the Plough and Stars where Cheruby joined a session of Celtic music players. It was good for me although Cheruby didn't know a lot of the songs so he didn't play as much as I wanted him to.
*The comic book convention in San Jose was lots of fun. We met the MST3K guys, Wil Wheaton, and Terry Moore. I got Terry to sign a first issue of his new comic Echo. I'm hoping that the characters will be as fabulous as in Strangers in Paradise.
*Toothache day, we slept late and watched TV and read books and had a relaxing day. We had In-N-Out Burgers for supper, animal style for Cheruby and R:tAG, and played a game of Betrayal at House on the Hill (my first time playing) and I had a pretty good time even though my character died first from a time bomb, TUO's character died from the ceiling falling in on due to a series of unfortunate events, and then R:tAG's character beat the snot out of the bad guy played by Cheruby. The first part of Sweeney Todd came next (and last) before bed.
*We were flagged for extra security which was a funny little process, but only because we had nothing to hide. We were corralled in for a few moments and then told to follow and wait and follow and stand still and follow and sit and slowly given back all our belongings. All was well and we had lots of time until our flight which ended up being late due to high wind velocities, but Calgary was having the same problem so our connecting flight was also delayed which meant we managed to make the connection which we were very thankful for.

I think that sums it up quite nicely.

Of course, as soon as we got home, we were off to Nipawin and Tobin Lake. We looked at the land that we're buying and it was awesome. As well, we went for a long ride on the three-wheelers. The a wiener roast with s'mores for dessert were just perfect for the day we'd had. The other highlight was our very dear little grey stripey cat who came with us on all our adventures. The little one just joined us as far as Nipawin. And all three returned home with us on Sunday in a very nice ride back to the city.

We watched lots of great movies. I highly recommend Juno and P.S. I Love You. Enchanted was a good Disney flick. And I even enjoyed Sweeney Todd even with the excessive blood. I had some retail therapy and bought a three pack of movies - MirrorMask, Labyrinth, and The Dark Crystal. As well, I bought Juno and The Golden Compass even though I haven't seen it yet. Cheruby and I also saw the new Indiana Jones flick this week. I'm not sure how I feel about it yet.

And wonder of all wonders, the fat one has become completely okay with the little one. I found him sleeping ON her the other day. Heh.

Oh, and it was a friend's birthday the other day and his cats really enjoyed the box.
Dragon Cats

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Still Running

Oh my goodness! I can't believe the work involved with losing one's job! With all the running around and things to take care of and do, I've barely had time for moping. Yesterday, I managed to finalize most of everything. Today, I feel empty. It feels over. I'm sad.

This isn't to say that I'm depressed or on the way there. I'm just handling every day. People I talked to every day, I haven't talked to most of them in almost two weeks. I miss them. A lot. I haven't called any of them. I don't know what to say. They need to be okay too and I don't want to remind them of me too much. And right now, my thoughts turn to how I'm feeling about my situation about twice an hour so that's what I want to talk about. That's not fun for me, let alone what it puts the people near me through. And with that said, no more!

It's my birthday next week. I don't have plans on Tuesday. Monday, supper with friends. Wednesday, hang out with my folks. Thursday, head to San Francisco! YAY! So, for my birthday, Cheruby and I are flying to visit TUO and R:tAG for a few days. We don't know what we're doing yet, but I realized that I don't need to do any of it and I'll still have a good time. Cheruby's only real request was to visit the grave of Emperor Norton and playing games. I know we'll get the last one in for sure.

And this weekend, I'm going to Regina for some Canadian Cancer Society meetings. That means I get to see my niece and nephew on Friday which is always awesome. I might even get to have lunch with a friend if I remember to call her. I should do that.

One last thing that I have to do is get started on my resume. Onwards and upwards! HUZZAH!!!

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The Emancipation of Me

I was very fortunate to be able to say that I liked my job and believed in my company. I'm not so sure about the last part anymore, but I'm hoping for the sake of the people that I care about that still work there that hope exists for those left to pick up the pieces. I am unemployed as of yesterday morning at 8:30 a.m.

My heart is pounding as I type this out. I'm going to be okay. I know it. I'm going to be better than okay - I'm going to be brilliant. In the end, it's just a job. I've said it many times now but of all the big things I could have lost yesterday, my job was one of the least important.

Today has been better than yesterday and tomorrow will be better yet. I feel a little sick to my stomach at times, but that too shall pass. If I'd had the choice, I would have stayed. I loved my team and was gearing up to take them through the next phase of company growth and opportunity. I was actually looking forward to learning the hard lessons I knew I would learn under a new manager.

Above all, I'm remembering the relief of yesterday morning when I realized that my to do list that was always bordering on unmanageable was no longer mine. In fact, it disappeared into thin air because most of it was in my head. All my good ideas were gone.

Someone else who was let go said that she was thinking about all the things she could have done differently to make this not happen. I've briefly thought about that and quite frankly, there wasn't anything. I'm happy with the way I did my job and lived my life. I am proud of it all. I made things happen when they needed to happen. There wasn't a moment I wasn't busy with something and doing good work. The things that I was asked to do were sometimes out of my league. I procrastinated on those things and didn't get them done. Those moments, however, were few and far between and I am only human. I am incredibly proud of a lot of things I accomplished there. And the best thing of all was my team. I hopefully gave them everything they need to do their jobs and do them well and efficiently. They are so strong and wonderful and I'm going to miss them terribly. And there are so many others I'm going to miss a lot - namely my colleagues in crime, my fellow managers. We could have changed the world together.

I've received so many compliments in the past few days. My phone barely stopped ringing yesterday. Here are a few things that I'm particularly proud to have said to me.
"A person's job often defines who they are. You were always you - Suzanne being a manager, not the other way around."
"You were the best manager that I have ever had, and I really appreciate all the times you have been there for me and us as a team. You truly were the backbone of this team that made us who we are, and we are better for it."
"You're a pillar of support and a wealth of knowledge. I wasn't kidding when I said you're like my right arm. It sucks losing someone really close to me. You were human, and listened to us when we had something to say."
There were some other, very funny moments throughout the day, but they were probably 'you had to be there' moments.

Anyway, I need something from all of you loyal readers. A little insight into where you think my future lies. What do you think I'd be good at and enjoy? I have the luxury of some time to figure things out so ponder and let me know! The sky is the limit.

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All the Bad and All the Good

I've been in Toronto since Sunday afternoon. I didn't really want to be here, but knew it was best for my team and my work.

Just before I left, I found out that my best friend had something horrible happen. It's probably just as well I'm not there because there is nothing I can do and I'd feel even more helpless and useless.

The first couple nights here were great. Shopping and supper with some of my favourite people both nights. I managed to find a fabulous new shirt even!

Then Wednesday happened. And it was a very bad day at work. I still haven't fully recovered. Some people that I very much care about lost their jobs yesterday. There were a lot of surprises and shocks about some of the folks. And I have a new manager which means some real stress in my future as I try to find a balance between my staff's needs and the changes in the business. I spent a lot of time trying to be strong yesterday and I was 5 seconds away from tears at any given moment. I talked to a friend of mine and she told me that she went home and phoned her mom. I laughed because that's exactly what I did yesterday after I found out what was happening to the first person I found out about. I'm still reeling.

I thought today would be easier than it was. It was still really tough. I went to talk to a new colleague and she gave me some really good advice and information that really helped me change how I was thinking. My job just got harder, but someone I trust told me that I would be stronger at the end of this particular phase of my career.

I'm hoping to hear from Cheruby yet tonight, but it was an exciting night for him and he might still be out celebrating. You see, his play (I say his play, but of course it belongs to everyone who had a part in producing the play) had a preview night tonight and an old friend was coming to watch. Tomorrow is opening night for The Selkie Wife at Dancing Sky Theatre in Meacham, SK. I'm so incredibly proud of my Cheruby. He came home exhausted one day from work. So I asked him how work was and his response was surprising and wonderful. He said, "Awesome." And he said it so genuinely and quickly that there was no doubt how happy he was with the day. It doesn't get much better than that.

So tomorrow is a busy, exciting day! I get to go to work in the morning. And I get to fly home, drive to Meacham and see my folks and my uncle (it's his birthday). Then I get to see my Cheruby perform on opening night. And then I get to celebrate our second anniversary. It's seems like such a short amount of time, but so full of memories. I just want to see him smile and feel his arms around me.

Oh yeah, and my hometown blew up a little last Friday. My parents are fine, but people were injured and died which is always frightening and sad.

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The Wonderful World of Cats

The cats have done some pretty cute things lately that I'd like to share.

The gray stripey one fell asleep on my back and rested his head on my shoulder right next to my ear so I could hear him purring as he fell asleep. Downright adorable!!

I had to open the front door and the window in the screen door to let some air through the house the other day. All three mischief makers sat at the front door the exact same distance from the door and each other. When I called Cheruby to come downstairs, they all just turned their heads to look at him without changing their pose. I could have died happy in that moment - they were so cute.

The little one has grown up and has a very cat like face in the place of her once very kitteny face. She's the most muscular of them all. We think it's because of the jumping exercise she got this winter from the laser pointer we got.

The fat one is getting old and I hope that we can let him go outside this summer a little bit. We might have to take him on vacation to my parents to do so, but who knows.

All three are getting along better. It's been over a year since the gray stripey one moved in. I finally figured out that he's the only one of our three that genuinely thinks he's human and not like the other cats. It explains a lot of his behaviour like not really knowing what a dog is and not recognizing territory and sleeping with his head on the pillow.

The little one is trying to catch a spider in the window sill now. Very, very cute.

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Stop The World, I'm Getting Off

I was talking to a friend of mine tonight who was saying a lot of things that rang very true to me. I've been there, done that. The best part is that I'm proof that someone can come through the other side of all those feelings and find true happiness and love. It didn't happen all at once, but continually being committed to caring about myself and making sure that I was someone that I love, it eventually happened. And while I had to make all those choices and stick to them, I had a helluva cheering section which makes things just a little bit easier.

I'm not saying things are perfect, but they are very good and getting better. I'll never conquer all the stuff I want to in myself, but I'm never ever going to stop trying. When I ever think that I'm done working on myself, I'll be dead. I can always make a difference and see things from a different perspective. I'll never know every point of view.

The brain is an amazing thing. You can train it to think any way you want just through repetition. Bad things stick easier than good things even when it's "just teasing".

One of the things that I was told about me is that I get over things quickly. And not because I brush things off quickly, because that's certainly not true. I get over things because I either have the choice to dwell on it and let it poison me and bring me down, or I have the choice to get over it and move on and continue being the person I want to be. That isn't to say I forget about those other things, they come back to haunt me when I'm feeling down and give me more reason to feel down. That's the part I need to fight and need my ever present cheering section to help me get through. I can't imagine not having my family and friends supporting me. I certainly wouldn't be where I am without all those wonderful people. They have shown me who I want to be (whether they realize it or not) and helped me figure out how to become that person.

Just tonight, I was talking to my mom. Every now and then, I realize more reasons why my mom is so amazing. Tonight, I stood my ground and made her admit just how rare it is to be as supportive and non-judgmental as she is. I can only hope at this point, that I can be like that. When Cheruby moved in, I was scared that my mom would think less of me. Silly, I know, but I was still worried. I was concerned she would think that I was being blind and taking things too fast because I just wanted to be loved. I guess that I was just thinking about my own insecurities about the situation. She said all the right things as she's very good at that. But then she gave Cheruby a money clip to prepare him for the success he was going achieve. Such a small thing, but so perfect. She effortlessly sees past all the crap and sees that people are just people and everyone, even those that don't act so kindly or react to situations in the best way, deserves the benefit of the doubt. It's one of her first thoughts most of the time even when she's getting the short end of the stick. I love her dearly and am looking forward to spending lots more time with her. She's simply wonderful. The world would be a different place if everyone had a mom like mine.

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Finding the Words

I've been trying to find the words to talk about what's been going on. Really, I'm just trying to stay afloat, but it's not as dire as that might sound. I finally finished that horrible project. I say horrible because it actually made me question whether I wanted to stay with my company. It's been a very, very long time since I did that. I started making plans to do something else - riskier but might make me happier. I haven't been entertaining those thoughts again, but they haven't gone completely away. I was compensated for my efforts more than I thought I would be. I was pleased with it, but now, I have no idea what to do next.

Things are happening at work that I'm not entirely good with, but I haven't given the situation a fair shot yet. I can see the good for the business, but not for my staff. That's a very tough situation. We just met last week and those meetings didn't go well. I wasn't very professional with my boss. At least it was just my boss and no one else, but still, I'm disappointed in myself. I don't like that I even got to that place where I was unprofessional.

One of the best things that happened was being able to see over half of my staff when I was in Toronto last. It was amazing. I really have missed them.

I haven't really quit traveling. I was in Toronto last week, going to Regina this weekend, going to Toronto again in a few weeks and then to Regina again the weekend after that. In the meantime, there's Easter weekend which I haven't planned anything for, but I'm hoping to see my niece and nephew if possible.

I've been playing video games with Cheruby and doing other fun things. It's been good and I deserve the play time. I keep thinking about the to do lists, however. It kind of takes away from the play time a bit.

There hasn't been enough time with other friends, but they're busy too. I'll get to see them soon enough.

Flights are scheduled to San Francisco in May for Cheruby and I. Reservations are made for GenCon. And I don't really have anything planned between May and August. Maybe I'll be home for a bit then. Ha ha. Something tells me that won't be as settled as I'm hoping.

In great news, I'm happier than ever. One day at a time with Cheruby and our cats, nothing can stop us.

So, let's get into the everything is coming up Cheruby story. He got a gig with a theatre in Meacham composing and playing for April and part of May. I'm very proud of him for that. He's actually going to be getting paid for doing something he loves. It's one of the best things in the world. He's getting his movie pitched next week by an agent in Vancouver. He had a request for his script by a production company in Toronto last week. He got offered a full time job that he was tempted by the money in but also was in a great position to turn down. Some people that are close to him are about to become parents. We're both over the moon for them. And we're very much in love. What could be better than that? [blush]

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The Roof Is On Fire

Well, not literally, but close. I tried to burn down my house. And not the usual ways like leaving something on the stove, leaving the oven on, or leaving the iron on. I lit a candle and didn't put a plate underneath. I checked on it a couple times because I was home the whole time, but then got caught up with laundry and messing about on the computer. The next time I went upstairs with clean laundry, I found some small flames trying desperately to gain more life by attacking a sock in the drawer beneath the solid wood dresser the candle had been on. The candle was completely gone. I got some cupfuls of water and doused the flames and filled the bedroom with a lot of smoke. I'm a little alarmed at no smoke detector action so I have to look into that. We're lucky that it was as warm as it is lately just because of the length of time the windows had to be open to clear it all out. Cheruby and I slept in the basement on the futon.

That poor sock.

I thought it was lucky I'd cleaned up earlier as there were papers on that dresser mere hours earlier, but then I remembered that I only found the candle because I moved the papers.

Today, Cheruby and I sanded off the char from the dresser and brought it back in the house. I will be Varathaning the newly characterized piece tonight so that we can put it back in the bedroom.

The way I see it is that I have to make mistakes once in a while, and I do because I'm only human, I might as well do it up right. [grin] One of the cats even had wax drippings in the fur on his head and none of them came to tell me there was a problem. I now have to admit that cats really aren't good for anything at all.

When Cheruby came home and saw what I'd done, he laughed. I really like that guy. [sigh]

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Big Sigh

It's not done yet - this big project I'm working on. I'm tired, but happy to be working on it at home and not in some other city. I missed being at home. I've been crying way too much for my own liking. I'm tired of it, but as soon as I get enough sleep, the situation hits me again and I cry.

Nobody really wants to hear about that though.

Hmmm... let's talk about something else. While Rilla had to choose extraction rather than root canal with cap and crown, Cheruby and I chose the root canal route. Of course, she didn't tell us about the additional cap and crown costs. I don't think we'd have done it any differently, but still, I like to know these things. Cheruby is nursing his face back to health with video games. It wasn't just a root canal today, he also got a filling and a wisdom tooth extracted as well. I don't know exactly how much pain he's in because he's pretty happy to be playing Warhawk with Buddy. In a month, Cheruby gets to have more fillings and another wisdom tooth extracted. And then after that, he gets the cap and crown.

While that was more fun than the first bit of news, still not on the good side of the scale.

I get to see my niece this weekend! YAY!

I had a corset fitting a while ago. YAY!

I got to see my mom on her birthday. YAY!

I got to meet a very cute baby who lives in Calgary. YAY!

Hopefully, I'll be more exciting soon.

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Baby, It's Cold Outside

Looks like I've reverted to my old ways with blogging once every two weeks. Of course, I have a good excuse - being away from home for 3 of the last six weeks and having to go away next week too. I figured I could steal the song title thing from TUO just this once since she's unlikely to use this one.

I'm really hoping that this is the last trip away from home. I don't want to go again. Too much to do here with my normal job and life.

On the fun side, I started playing Exalted with some friends every second Saturday night. I think that's nifty. I'll have to get some travel equipment (web cam and microphone) so that I can play from wherever my travels take me. That'd be cool.

Cheruby and I also got Rockband this week. We've played it almost every day. Cheruby has played it every day, but I got sick and slept for almost 12 hours on Wednesday night.

I'm already playing songs on medium with the drums. I'm not even going to try the guitar or bass. I suck at singing, but it says I'm good at it on easy. Heh. I can hardly wait until February when we can get the second guitar so we can have four people in our band. YAY!

The weekend is looking great so far and I'm trying not to get stressed about next week.

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About Me

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I'm quirky, confident and happy. My friends say I'm generous, warm, reliable, and dependable. My mom, dad, and angel say I'm beautiful. I'm not perfect, but that makes me human.

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    Games We Play

    • Rune Factory Frontier (Wii)
    • Galactrix (DSi)
    • Arkham Asylum (BG)
    • Puerto Rico (BG)
    • Liar's Dice (BG)
    • Smallworld (BG)
    • Agricola (BG)
    • Blue Moon (BG)

    Happenings

    • House renovations
    • D&D with Kaz
    • Playing Eclipse with TWS
    • Preparations for Alien Invasion

    Books On the Go

    • The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis
    • What to Expect When You're Expecting by Murkoff
    • From the Neck Up by Denise Dreher

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